HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Remember the moments that took your breath away, and just say FUCK THE BULLSHIT in 2008. Get drunk, be loved, spend time with family and/or loved ones and look forward to the New Year. Just think: life isn’t as bad as you think it is because, fuck, we’re still living. CHEERS!!!
until next year...
xx.
“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.”
So my
entries are usually long when it comes to me summarizing my weekends because I
like to keep it packed with events. I probably have ADD or something because I can
never keep myself in one spot and when I do stay in one spot its because I’m
forced to either by my parents, or my family, or alcohol because I have to
recuperate for the next day. I’m going to keep this really short in hopes of
keeping this as detailed as possible for my readers ( which I have no idea who
read this AHHA) and for me, when I see this in 10 years =)
HAHAHA
the oldies HAHA
123108: NYE : CITY WALK WITH ROOMIES / BEER PONG AT JANES (PICTURES PENDING)
FINALLY left the house at 10:30 ( WTF? HAHA)
010109: LAZINESS at VApts/ FOREVER21 at Pasadena/ Yardhouse
010209: PASADENA PART ? ( PICTURES POSTED IN GALLERY)
)
damn, i look like shit.
ranch? or cum? HAHAHAHA
010309: IKEA with Soul Sistas/ Banana Bay with Vegas heads/ Bishamon ( PICTURES IN GALLERY)
awww 
010409 : Roomie ( without anne ) bonding / Soul Sista Bonding / Buying Groceries at 12AM? WTF? HAHA
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Until next
time…
xx.
ONE WORD: CELEBRATE. Everyone celebrates the New Year, makes resolutions (and never keeps
them) promises themselves “THIS IS MY YEAR” by being more patient, finding the
person their supposed to marry, be a little bit less aggravated, stop being
such a student driver… but no one really REFLECTS. I wonder why there isn’t a “reflect-on-your-past-year” day before New Years so everyone can just think about what had happened in the
past, what made them happy, what made them tick, and what they will remember
forever. I realized that making New Years Resolution’s will inevitably fuck me
up in the end because I can never keep them, then I get disappointed, then I
want to shoot myself. So for this year, I’m just going to keep it plain and
simple: REMEMBER. I’m going to remember the past, reminisce on the moments that
was exhilarating, remember my mistakes so I don’t make them again, remember
what my goals & values are, remember my family for all their love and
support, remember my friends for all the support they’ve given me, and remember
GOD for making me, me. If a survey was done for the mass media, I bet more than
80% would want to forget. But why would you want to forget? Did you want to
forget your past break up? – I’m sure you wouldn’t if you realized that they
taught you something and whether it’s a life lesson or not, you really aren’t
the same person as you were before. Did you want to forget a mistake that you
made? – I’m sure you wouldn’t if you realized that this same mistake made you
smarter so you wouldn’t have to repeat it again. So cheers, cheers to
reflecting the past and remembering the future. =)
Until next
time…
xx.
As I was shuffling
through the past… I came across this. ENJOY =)
1. Girls
leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he
fits in.
2. Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he is truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.
3. Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.
4. Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
Grown women know that it is the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want
to lock YOU down.
5. Girls fake-moan, lay there and take the jabbing.
Grown women say, "just stop", get up, get dressed and walk out.
6. Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth.
7. Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.
8. Girls make you come.
Grown women make you come home.
9. Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.
10. Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e, don't want him to have
"guy time".)
Grown women realize that a little bit of space makes the 'together time'
even more special -- and goes to hang out with her own friends!
11. Girls think a guy who cries is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.
12. Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate w/o
fear of losing his 'manhood'.
13. Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.
14. Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection,
ignoring all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back
-- and move on, without bitterness.
“Three quarters of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world would finish if people were to put on the shoes of their adversaries and understood their points of view” - Ghandi
As we grow up and become the person we’re supposed to be, we realize that we get used to how we live our lives and we start believing that the way we think is the right way. Coming from different backgrounds and families, it is almost impossible to find another person that grew up the same way you did, along with the same values and morals. Through different experiences I have met so many different types of personalities and even though it may be wrong to say it, I admit to have judged in the past. We all judge, and the term “no judgment” is merely a façade that different individuals say to prove they’re not imbecilic.
What happens when you come across an individual that is the complete opposite of you? Do you look at them, and all you see is judgment? Do you tell yourself “Wow, what an idiot, if I were her/him I would…” or “Why does she do that? If I was in his/her position...” It’s very rare for us to stop, catch ourselves in the act and actually think about what you were going to say and ponder if you should have said it in the first place.
Personally I have fallen victim on two of those counts, I’ve judged and I’ve been judged before. The person that I am today is what I built my life on, my values, my goals and my morals. A lot of people see me as a party type, I drink, I smoke, and I’m always out. This is what I write about in my blogs, and this is what I portray in front of people. When it’s drinking and party time, I’m one of the first people to call. When asking “What’s going on tonight?” I’m number one in the party speed dial list. When people see this, they associate partying with irresponsibility. Have you taken a look through the hazy glass and actually saw me for what I really am? That I’m not really just a party goer, but I’m family oriented, intellectually stimulating and I’m financially independent? I’ve also judged in the past, and I admit that that is a mistake that I’m going to keep on making as long as I live. I’m always going to be thinking what I would do in the situation, or what is right through my eyes…
But everyone needs to realize (if you haven’t already) that the moral of the story is to stop being IGNORANT. We’re all different, yet we’re all the same. We think our lives are important enough that we feel the need to share our wisdom, when in actuality we have to share our wisdom with ourselves. You can’t expect someone to act a certain way if they weren’t raised or born that way. You can’t expect someone to “change” when they themselves haven’t realized that they should change. You can’t expect someone to have your same type of morals or beliefs because they have their own to worry about. And you can’t, can’t CAN NOT judge someone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes, and hit EVERY SINGLE problem and bump that they’ve been through.
This is a lesson that everyone needs to learn even myself.
Until next time…
have you walked in my shoes today?
xx.
" You want the truth? You can't handle the truth."
When it comes to matters of life and love, is the truth really the best answer? When your girlfriend asks (I’m assuming the boyfriends don’t), “does this make me look fat?” when CLEARLY she could wear something a little less revealing or tight, do you say NO because it’s the right thing to say or tell the truth and say “YES, can you change to something better?” Some of you may be laughing inside right now but it’s a common mistake or lie that people never think about. I have a friend ( just to piss him off) that I always ask about how I look and when I even say the line “does this…” he automatically says NO, without even looking at me… what the hell! But REALLY ladies, do we really want the truth? If our boyfriend were to tell us that YES it makes our butt look big and YES it makes us look fat, do we say “thank you, I really wanted the truth” or do we hit them and ignore them the rest of the night?
In dealing with friends that need advice in matters of their own life is it really better just to tell a white lie, than to tell the truth and hurt them? When you’re on the verge of throwing a garbage truck when someone you know is being stupid, do you tell them they’re being fucking annoying, or do you just stay quiet in hopes that they can change their ways?
I believe in life that people are naturally good-hearted, and their upbringing is what makes them change. People are naturally out there to do good either for a small purpose or a purpose for others. We’re always going to be thinking about how we make others feel because how we make them feel reflects how we live our lives. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you, knowledge increases sorrow.” – is a term that most people use, and sometimes it really is better not to say anything than to say something and have to lie about it. Personally, I feel that it really depends on the person if they can handle the truth or not, but in the end the truth will ALWAYS be the best option when it comes to matters of life and love. Even though the little white lies will boost another person’s confidence in the beginning, the end result will always be better once one knows reality.
Until next time…
xx.
NOTE: PICTURES FROM JESYLEE's BDAY/ FALLON's BDAY/ATEH JAN's BDAY posted in gallery =)
it is currently 2:30 am and before I go to sleep, I wanted to pre-write an insightful blog about certain events and conversations that happened today.
What kind of society do we live in when "men" have the need to feel like their superior to women?
etong sulat ay para sa mga taong nakakaintindi, alam kong marami akong mambabasa na hindi kayang magbasa at magsalita ng tagalog, so para na lang itong sekreto =) ( bare with me I haven't written in tagalog since the 4th grade)
Itrato ninyo na lang ito na parang sulat sa mga aking kaibigan, kaibigan na hindi kayang umalis sa kanilang sitwasyon dahil ubod sila ng pagmamahal. Ang pagmamahal na iyon ay ang kanilang lason dahil walang paki-alam ang mga lalaki/babae sa buhay nila.
Bakit kaya pag tungkol sa pagmamahal ibibigay natin ang lahat, kahit na hindi tayo pinapansin ng husto? Bakit kaya tayo na-nanatili sa ating kondisyon kahit alam nating walang kinabukasan? Bakit ba sa buong buhay natin hindi kayang mahalin ang karapat dapat pero kaya nating mahalin ang hindi tama? Palagi na lang tayong humahanap ng pag-ibig na tunay, paano ba tayo makakahanap ng ganun kung bulag naman tayo? Bakit palagi nalang tayo iyak ng iyak sa mga taong hindi katumbas ng halaga? Ang mga taong puno ng pag-ibig ay papansinin ang gusto nilang pansisnin, titingnan ang gusto nilang tingnan at iririnig ang gusto nilang marinig.
Kagabi naranasan ko kung paano talagang maging malasakit ng lubos. Iyak ng Iyak ang isa kong kaibigan dahil hindi nya maintindihan kung bakit hindi sya pinapansin ng lalaking gusto nya. Maganda naman sya, Matino, pero hindi nya alam kung bakit itinatrato sya ng parang basura. Sabi nya " Jowee, hindi ko na kaya, bakit ayaw nya sa akin? hindi ko sinsadya na mahalin sya pero bakit mahal na mahal ko?"
Bakit kaya hinahayaang natin maging sira-ulo sa mga taong hindi para sa atin?
hanggang so huli...
Kapag ako ay nagmahal
Isa lamang at wala nang iba pa
Iaalay buong buhay
Lumigaya ka lang, lahat ay gagawin
Tumingin ka man sa iba
Magwawalang-kibo na lang itong puso ko
Walang sumbat na maririnig
Patak ng luha ko ang iniwang saksi
- Bakit Nga Ba Mahal Kita : Roselle Nava
xx.
“I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.”
When at a social gathering, it’s usually easy to tell which people are couples and which are not. The singles usually frolic around the bar, talk to different people, mingle, coerce, and drink. When you look at the couples, they’re usually at the side chit-chatting with themselves, holding hands, sitting on each others laps and only conversing to the people that they feel most comfortable with. Depending on the preference of where your life is right now (me personally), meeting new people, drinking and mingling will always be better vs. sitting on the side only with their bf/gf not really caring about anything else. The “singles” and “couples” nowadays are treated as some sort of different entities, the singles usually go through the same situations, and the couples usually deal with their own situations as well. Both has it’s up’s and down’s and while couples deal with problems within themselves, its even harder for the singles because they deal with problems with the whole community.
Let’s face it, all the “singles” are all in the same boat, we all want to find someone that’s worth living for, dying for, striving for. We all want the fairytale ending, we all want the perfect love, and we all want perpetual happiness. I’m sure no one wants to die alone, or grow old alone with 50 cats. Even the idea of being a quasi Hugh Hefner may not seem bad right now, it’s always better to know that you have someone that loves you than a pair of fake tits. In this search to find that “someone” we often go through the pain of the “singles” world. We experience dating, experience the bitches/assholes, we experience an occasional fuck buddy once in a while but we always, always, always experience mixed signals. Why is that the way we act towards different individuals can inevitably fuck us up in the end? When we talk to someone about our life story and give them an occasional hit on the shoulder with a little kiss on the cheek it’s an automatic assumption that there might be feelings? If there’s someone that you really like but too scared to admit you do a complete 180, and act like a douche? Why is it that there are some people when they know they have it good and pretty much consider themselves as “god like” they play with another person’s emotion’s as if they had no disregard for others feelings? Why do some people flirt incessantly just because they feel the need to release some egotistical tension? Why there are ex’s that still call other ex’s just because? (FYI ex’s don’t call other ex’s just because). Why can part time lovers ( FTF’s, Fuck Buddies) portray that they want nothing to do with a relationship, confess that all they want is to fulfill their sexual needs all the while at the same time saying/texting sweet nothing’s?
Living in the “singles” world can form a sort of misery when too focused on. When the focus of life is mostly on the questions of “Why didn’t he/she call?” or “What does she/he mean by this?” or “Wow, that sweet connotation came out of nowhere” we become over zealous and ballistic. When a certain someone or something overpowers our wants over our needs, we start to abhor ourselves but we don’t exactly know how to get out of it. The harder we try to not think about the situations that most people find ridiculous, the more we invest in it and the more we become inspired by it. “We accept the love we think we deserve” – in turn makes us settle for what’s there, too impatient to just let go and let destiny ride its course.
Moral of the story: Mixed signals will get you nowhere. If you feel like you have to show someone that you’re interested just because, then stop. Be upfront. If you think it’s good to lead someone on because it makes them happy temporarily, then stop. Just end it. ( it’ll do you both better in the end.) If you think it’s good to flirt incessantly with other people with the off chance of making someone jealous or resentful, then stop. In the end you’ll only hurt yourself and the person you were making jealous wouldn’t want to be with someone like you anyway. And if you find yourself over analyzing, over thinking, over evaluating mixed signals, then try to stop. Misery loves mixed signals.
Until next time…
xx.
VEGAS PICS IN GALLERY.
Working out 4-6 times a week. Check. Partying Thursday – Saturday (maybe sometimes an occasional Tuesday) Check. Spending time with friends. Check. Spending time with the family. Check. Reading novels. Check. Cooking (on occasions when there’s actual ingredients in the fridge) Check. Spontaneous moments. Check. Once in a while soul searching. Check. There’s STILL something missing? Definite check.
Assuming that the void is a significant other, a good friend once told me “You’re almost over the hump, a few more months then you’ll stop missing it.” I still keep thinking to myself, do we really need someone to fill in the missing pieces? Do we always have to succumb to another entity to fulfill our lives? Is it just natural for us to think that in order for us to be completely happy and devoid of any future loneliness we have to find someone, fall in love with them, and life will be complete? The standard that society has established about finding someone to “complete you” has inescapably been the most unrewarding, utterly confusing ambition people have been trying to accomplish for decades upon decades. Movies, music ( aside from rap when they talk about bitches and hoes) Kost 103.5, TV Soap Opera’s, EVERYTHING Filipino movies, has always taught us that in order to be complete you must find someone. It doesn’t matter if it’s over the bookstore or at a club getting jiggy with it, in order to be completely happy you need to be with someone. This notion can turn for better or for worse. Better because you already have someone that you want to share your life with or worse when you submit to dead end relationships that have no meaning or substance but in order to fill in “society’s void” you at least have to find someone or else you won’t be happy.
Going back to what was said in the first place, I know there’s still something missing in my life. I’m trying not to be like the rest by assuming a significant other is what’s missing because as I grow up I learned that I need to complete myself first, and that “significant other” will just be there to compliment me. Like I’ve told many friends, I’m starting to feel like a robot and the tin man from the Wizard of Oz, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Why waste time on relationships that have no meaning or future? Why treat someone a priority when they only consider you as an option? Why do we wait for someone else to fill in the pieces of our puzzle when we have the power to complete it on our own?
xx.
Labels. Stereotypes. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. At one point or another we have looked at another being and solely judged them on what they look like, how they dress and how they present themselves. More so than anything else because of society's urge to become accepted, people nowadays tend to mold themselves into being a certain way and/or a certain lifestyle. So when a certain individual is labeled as a “nice guy” what is the person’s first reaction? Of course the images of girls taking advantage of them, saying sweet nothings but never mean it, telling them what to do all the time, making them hold their bag or wait for them hand and feet pop up. So their first reaction would be “Fuck that, don’t label me as a nice guy. Nice guys finish last.” The reason why this quote came into play was because it’s understood that if a guy was to be completely, wholeheartedly in love with someone, the girl tends to back off and go for another label called the “bad guy.” We’ve all seen it; the girls that are actually worth being with tend to fall for the no-good-can’t-believe-he-hasn’t-gotten-run-over-by-my-damn-truck guy who couldn’t give a rat’s ass of how she feels except knowing that they have her twirled around their finger.
Why is that? Why do girls tend to fall for the guys that are convinced that they're “gods gift to women” and even though they don’t get the slightest attention, they’re still persuaded that he’s the ONE. Maybe it’s because girls like to think positively and that everyone has a good side. Maybe it’s because they’re dark and mysterious. Or maybe, just maybe because it’s an ego booster… thinking that if they can change this ultimate bad boy to the sweetheart next door it would be such a big accomplishment.
But that’s that. GIRLS look for the chase. GIRLS look for the bad boy. GIRLS get caught up in a hot mess ( and don’t know how to get out of it). GIRLS want the mysteriousness in the can’t-figure-out-what-he-wants challenge. But WOMEN, WOMEN want a nice guy. WOMEN know that if they want to be treated right, they have to find someone who will treat them right. WOMEN know that life’s too short to focus on the deceased, on the no-future’s, on the broke-no-future-no-goals boys. WOMEN know that they have standards, and in order to give them their all… their standards must be met. WOMEN know that once they find out that the person that they want is a “bad boy,” they know when to quit. WOMEN know that anyone worth being with should prove their significance.
There’s the difference, girls do know that nice guys finish last. But women, women know that nice guys are winners before the game even starts.
So on tuesday the singles crew went to a spoken word night in LA and I am forever inspired. A couple blogs before this one I felt like something was missing in my life and now I know what it is...a new passion. My passion now has become poetry, creative writing and art. In these turn of events, I've written a spoken word about my muse. If this is good enough, in a week or two i'll be able to read this in front of a huge crowd =) inputs and thoughts are welcome =)
Incandescent Vivacity.
The inevitable beauty that has been bestowed upon the world knows no bounds in comparison to you, my love.
The Gods almighty quarrel upon your feet just to describe your existence.
The air you breathe and the melody that you resonate causes a tremble when you speak
Behold the chains that was once my asylum
You have set me free, my love.
I am enticed by your vigor and immeasurable enthusiasm
No verse, no line, no stanza can express the love that has been bequeathed
I worship your very core and kneel on your feet just so I can feel what paradise sees
You are the epitome of loves lost and now found
The sun rises to the set of time in imagery of you
The angels sing trumpets in lieu of your life
The cry of an infant that shook my very being is now in ease in conviction of you
I've become enslaved by your effortless tranquility
Your eyes speak of warmth and humility
My soul is indebted to your survival
Perpetually I will cry for you
The resonance that you have beseeched to me, taught me, exhaled into me has become the bible of my being
Your significance in this world brought truth to a culture full of lies
You are my pen, transcending doctrines to my portrait of fortitude
You have engulfed me, mind, body, and soul.
Fear itself can fear no more when in besiege of you
You are the light, the radiance, the illusion of picturesque ecstasy
Your luminous features have blinded the unwilling
There are no tribulations that can't surpass when in belief of you
My gratitude holds no limits in your reflection
No longer can my tongue sing melodies in your absence
I can only wholly live within you.
My survival has always been an example of your love
I plead for you.
I am in devotion for you.
Eternally, gracefully, ceaselessly.
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and your discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
Because of YOU Lani... i'll list 25 things too! ( If I can FIND 25 things HAHAH)
1. I don't know how to ride a bike.
2. I always have to sleep on the right side of the bed ( If I don't I don't get a good night's rest)
3. My BIGGEST pet peeve is when people call me JOANNE
4. I HATE talking on the phone. ( Call me and I will try to get out of the conversation after 5 minutes)
5. I've never been in love.
6. I'm a LIGHT sleeper, I can never be with anyone who snores.
7. Even though i'm an alcoholic, I'm the BIGGEST lightweight
8. I can read, write, and speak tagalog fluently.
9. I LOVE wine, Syrah is my favorite.
10. I go to the beach in the early AM on occassions to clear my thoughts.
11. I dyed my hair Blonde for a good week (just to see how it looked)
12. poetry is like air to me.
13. I've never had a best friend.
14. I've read over 80 books as of date. (NERD ALERT, I KNOW )
15. I am friends with all of my ex's.
16. I haven't seen my mom in three years.
17. I never get dark, just red ( even if i'm in the sun for over 10 hours)
18. I'm a sucker for sweet innuendo's.
19. I was crowned Queen of my elementary school in the Philippines
20. I'm in a lot of "little groups" with my friends/family LOL. (i.e SA divas, Soul Sistas, Vagina's, Single's Crew, OG Omnis Crew, BabeEboard, Freshman Crew)
21. I honestly don't know if I will ever get married.
22. ( like Lani) I come from a HUGE ( at least 300 deep) and UNIQUE family. mess with one, mess with all.
23. I can never stay in one spot for too long, I always need to be out doing something.
24. I know how to play the clarinet.
25. I have over 100 dresses, over 20 pairs of boots, and over 50 pairs of shoes in my closet.
until next time...
26. I love my little sister to death.
xx.
