c'est la vie.

MzJOWEE

 “We are friends and I do like to pass the day with you in serious and inconsequential chatter. I wouldn't mind washing up beside you, dusting beside you, reading the back half of the paper while you read the front. We are friends and I would miss you, do miss you and think of you very often.”

 So! My recent blogs have usually been reflections and I haven’t updated anyone in a long time how I’ve been really doing. For the most part things have been the same, you win some you lose some. January can be pretty much summed up in two words: drunken endeavors. A couple weeks ago I enjoyed a great mini-break with the singles crew ( Jake, Jay, Me and Ciery) along with Ana and Imee. Check it out: Free room: Venetian, Free Entrance: Tryst, All you can eat sushi, Firefly, Terribles and Salo-Salo. Mmmm. I spent about 2 – 3 bills over the weekend but it was overall very worth it. On the way to Vegas the 5 of us enjoyed a 2 hour sexual session. HAHAH, these four people basically know the in’s and out’s of me. Literally we talked about SEX the whole time. What’s their favorite position, have you ever had a threesome, have you ever had a one night stand, how do you feel about fuck buddies… hahahahha good times. Ever since then my nights have been consumed with hanging out with Jake, Ciery and Jay. It’s really nice that we’ve been bonding so much. The weekend after Vegas we celebrated Geoff’s Birthday at Busby’s in LA and got kicked out at 11:59 pm. We didn’t even last till the next day! WTF? LOL.

I pretty much didn’t have anything planned for this week because there was nothing going on but for some reason I wasn’t able to have any downtime AT ALL. On Monday, Ciery and I went to watch Revolutionary Road. That movie is really good, BUT really depressing. After that we ended up smoking hookah on the balcony and Jay joined us for the night. Lots of talks and laugh’s with the both of them. Tuesday the single’s crew hit up poetry night in LA and it was awesome because I haven’t been inspired that much in a very long time. Listening to people and their poetry inspired me to do some of my own ( hence, my spoken word a couple entries earlier than this one) and since then I’ve been working on some insightful pieces and maybe in a week or two I’ll have the courage to go up there and speak. After that we went to eat at BOSSA NOVA ( If you haven’t gone there you should! It’s sooooo good ). I ended my Wednesday night with Jared and Joy. Us three went to Elephant Bar near the apartment to catch up on some things. Jared got really buzzed, and he ended up telling us a whole mess of information LOL. It was nice hanging around them, ever since I graduated college and Joy’s been working and going to school full time we haven’t had our sessions in a while. Thursday night I went to the Nokia Theater with my little cousins and Jon to watch this band from Hawaii called Pepper. There were numerous bands that went on before them and they were all really good. There’s this band called the Super Villains and I really enjoyed it because aside from having the regular drummer, singer, guitar player and bass player they also had a saxophone and trumpet player. You know me loooooves the saxophone ahhahahh. Pepper was a really good band and the crowd was also really good. Not too many mosh pits but the overall ambience was exhilarating. Friday night I went to dinner with Geoff and Joy so we can celebrate his 23^rd birthday at Boiling Crab. After that we went back to the apartment to enjoy a night of drunken debauchery. The singles crew came over, the soul sistas came over and the cousins came over. We all drank shots, smoked, hookah and chilled. The only people that were pretty drunk were me, Jake and Ciery. Imee brought her Magic Mic so Ciery and I started raping the shit out of the music hahahahaa. Apparently my voice gets a little deeper and seductive when I’m drunk but still overall when I sing, ears start bleeding. Everyone left around 2am and the only ones that were left in the balcony was Jay, Jake, Me and Ciery. While Ciery and Jay passed out on our laps, Jake and I had a pretty good drunken intellectual talk. All four of us called it a night and since Ciery had a BOOTAY call she jetted out and I was left with two very single hot sexy men. HAHAHA. Jake and I ended up sleeping sideways because jay hogged the whole freakin’ bed. Saturday was such a beautiful day and I didn’t want to waste it so the three of us ended up going to 3^rd street promenade and walking around the beach. Always good times with those guys, I bought a jacket from Forever XXI and we ended up eating dinner at this Italian restaurant. It’s nice to have found some people I can have intellectual conversations with… Most of the time when I talk to my friends it’s about my drunken night beforehand or the latest tsimis. When we were eating dinner we actually had insightful stories and topics to talk about. At the stroke of 6pm a whole mess of people started calling me and asking if there was anything going on so we all decided to hit up the good ol’ old town Pasadena. The singles crew plus Geoff and Perry (Mexican Jew was supposed to go but he was being a DOUCHE) went to Wockano’s and we all had an awesome time. The place was packed, too many people to even move so we kept going outside and talking. Perry got fucked up so we were showing him tips on how to dance with girl’s ahahhaah good good times. After Dena we went to Krua Thai, ate some delicious 3AM food and headed home. The four of us were REALLY tired so my full sized bed fit four people in it. LOL jay wasn’t able to hog up the bed since there was no room so we all just started spooning each other hahahaha good times. Sunday was errand day for me so I did some grocery shopping and straight after I went to Barnes to do some writing. I wasn’t able to focus for too long because I went out with Michaele, we did some shopping at the mall and ate sushi right after. We enjoyed the last 10 minutes of the Super bowl and I came home around 8. I was too tired to focus on anything last night so I knocked out around 10 and still couldn’t get up this morning

            This week by far is going to be really chill =) Aside from Roscoe’s Apt and Greg’s birthday… I’ll have more time to be inspired and write.

 WOO! Entry over… expect more intellectual ones ( if you really do find it intellectually stimulating ).

 Until next time…

 xx.

"Never argue with an idiot...they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"

WOWOW MOM, it’s time for me to vent out.

 I’m usually a pretty easy going person, I’m the type that will make you feel comfortable if your “new” to the group or if I just barely met you by either: Sitting next to you, forcing you to drink, asking you “are you okay?” and introducing you to everyone at least three times ( just so you remember their name). It’s not hard to get along with someone like me, just as long as it is reciprocated, - making me feel that you’re all right and that you’re having a good time. I guess with my personality I can be of two extremes: really friendly but if you get on my bad side it’s completely over.

People usually say “don’t get on my bad side” but I honestly really do mean it. If you do get on my bad side, I wouldn’t give a shit if you fucking died, you’ll see me in your graveyard shitting on your tombstone.

Hence the word: BITCH. I’ve only come across three major bitches in my life: One from High School, One from College, and one from College/Post College. The first one in high school, people dubbed her as the village bicycle because she fucked everything and anything, she even has scabies to prove it. The second one she was in my college days, she too also was a doorknob fucking everything in sight but that all changed when she started dating one of my good friends. The heat and tension between the two of us took extreme measures when I couldn’t take any more of her nonsense so we had a fist fight at a park. Me, seriously? 22 and a fist fight at a park? I don’t give a fuck. I beat the shit out of her, spit at her, she can die for all I care.

This next BITCH: College/Post College, she needs a whole different paragraph for what kind of a person she is. She used to be cool earlier college days, used to get along; I would stick up for her sometimes when someone would do her wrong. We were in Barkada together, we had the same goals, strived for the same things. All of a sudden, even being around the vicinity of her I’d start to hurl. Every time I heard her voice I’d want to shoot myself. Even the mention of her name I wanted to drag my nails across a blackboard. There’s a difference between being book smart and street smart, if you don’t find the balance between the two then you’re literally fucked.

So this is an ode to you, because you know who the fuck you are. You can earn all the money that you want, compare your salary to your “friends” all you want, keep crashing your cars and keep buying better cars if you want, but if you don’t have any fucking COMMON SENSE than you will get nowhere. Your going to live a life filled of empty happiness because no one wants to be around you. Stop being such a bitch, oblivious to other people’s feelings, disregarding everyone’s opinions. Learn how to have common courtesy, and be RESPECTFUL. Don’t know what it means to be respectful? Then buy an idiot’s guide to being a people person. Stop ASSUMING shit and opening your big mouth. LEARN WHEN YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.  And FYI: your salary is only going to take you so far.

Until next time…

IHOP IHOP IHOP mmmmm... pancakes

xx.

MzJOWEE

“When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you'll come to realize what you were dragging around with you. And for that, no one else other than you was responsible.”

Since I’m sick I’m going to try to keep this short simple and efficient. (just FYI these blogs that I write if assumed it’s biased then it may be because these are purely on my own assumptions and my opinions. If you feel offended then that’s on your own terms. I’m not going to apologize for what I feel just because someone is insulted. Thank you. ).

Sometimes in life we reach a point where we come across certain individuals, events and/or happenings that provide no value to us anymore. We may think that keeping them around may be the best possible situation but in reality we keep making different excuses as to why we shouldn’t let them go. Examples such as “He’ll/She’ll change,” “I need to make her/him realize,” “we’ve been friends for so long that it’s a waste…” come into mind and from then we’re forced to believe that holding on is the best answer. What does an individual have to do to realize that it’s time to just pick up the pieces and leave? Does another person have to do something completely heinous to make us realize something that we should have realized a long time ago? Why do we blind ourselves from the obvious in “hopes” that if just a little bit of effort we can finally change a person and mold them into what we want them to be?

FYI, we can never change a person to what we want them to be unless they want to change themselves. A person may have different influences, bf/gf’s telling them what to do, but whatever action a person does is their choice, plain and simple. Always trying to be the “exception” of the equation, were lead to believe that hoping and wishing can get us what we want. Blinded from the truth these foolish games that we play become as some sort of morbid entertainment, running around in circles with no finish line.

I’m not saying there’s no gray area to the matters of learning when to let go. If you feel that it really is something that you need to sacrifice for, go for it. But keep in mind that we are all the masters of our own lives, and you never want to end up looking back and saying “ if only…”

Until next time…

when will it be your turn to let go?

xx.

Dear Self,

            The beautiful sunset is slowly drifting away because I am consumed in thoughts of you. Though I tell myself to be satisfied, I will never be content. The cigarettes that I smoke burn faster than the acceptance of your identity. The bottles of alcohol seem to mutate my mind into ecstasy until it evaporates into the murky relinquishing wind. As I came home from a refreshing escape not too long ago, you didn’t fail to make me quiver with envy. The image of roses in vases, a red table top with kisses near and far, brownies and food shaped like hearts etched into my memory as something “you could never have.” The sound of my roommate’s text messages going off a thousand times per millisecond has choked me into being an unbeliever. These thoughts have me convinced into digging deep into the trash of my precedent, convinced that I deserve no more than a second hand offer of worship. This weekend of what should be of “love” has been a lifeless remembrance, a burial of regrets you may describe. And as I sit alone in the chambers of my solitude, I remembered why I love you so much. Though you have failed me many times, you still pick me up and make me believe in life once again. When inspired by heart ache, you have made it known that recognition for something less is out of the question. When surrounded by negativity, you have shown me that I have no reason to be so miserable. When I become lonely, you have given me the courage to find pleasure in individuals that seek the same desire as I do. You have taught me that I don't need to seek other's for happiness but of my own. You always find the best in me even when I am filled with doubt. And when I can no longer breathe because of the disapproving pedestal I have so unconsciously put upon myself, you remind me to stay grounded. How could I have been so selfish to neglect you? When you alone, have been my unyielding shelter? So this is to you, always true, for loving me even if it’s not on a special day.

 Always,

xx.

MzJOWEE

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Agh so lately I've been trying to write more of little inspirational pieces instead of writing about how my life is going (which is the reason why I opened up a blog in the first place so I can look back at it). So starting NOW, I want to write more of what’s been going on with me + inspirational pieces here and there so prepare yourself with many upcoming blogs

 My life has changed drastically in the past couple months in terms of how I view different people, situations, and events. Furthermore, my personality has been altered in lieu of events that’s been/has happened to me. In a span of a couple months I’ve learned that:

• People are going to do what they want to do with their lives.
• Sometimes people don’t need advice, they just need you to listen
• My shit list has amounted to 4, before it was 2.
• You don’t need a lot of friends; you only need a few good ones.
• Don’t associate yourself with people who love themselves too much
• Life’s too short to deal with people who talk too much and only bring BS
• Smoking is a bad habit and I should quit
• Being alone doesn’t mean your miserable
• Having your guard up can make or break you
• I don’t have any game.
• The Vagina’s are walking away from each other more than I hoped it to be.
• I have built a bigger wall from experiences… not of my own.
• It’s time to let go.
• It takes many years to be labeled as a MAN. just because your over 18 doesn't mean your still not a selfless, pompous, irrevocable asshole.
  
• take the time to become inspired.
• Laugh. read. smile.
• I’ve been told that I move “like a shark” moving from place to place, forgetting people in the process. FYI if I forget, misplace or lessened my chats with you that’s because I don’t want to hear from you anymore.
• I find no joy or purpose to talk to anyone that doesn't stimulate me intellectually
• Fuck it. Live life. Do what you want to do. Be spontaneous.

 There are more things that can add to that list, but I can’t think of anything anymore. This past weekend has been pretty epic for me good and bad. NO ONE not even myself thought I could have the guts to do it but I did =). On Saturday I got 2 tattoos, one on the top left wrist that says “Consorcia” which is my grandmother’s name and one on the bottom right wrist that says “Urbina” in Alibata. I’m planning to get 3 & 4 in the next two weeks, the 3^rd one on the back with San Antonio in Alibata, and the 4th one on the inner left wrist with 1986 in roman numerals. I got to admit it, it’s pretty bad ass to get tattoos especially if it’s NOT hidden. I can see why it gets addicting and if you’re contemplating on getting tattoos, NO it does not hurt at all. 

Yesterday I planned a mini road trip with Michaele, but we ended up going to San Jose to do some business. BTW, if you’re reading this asshole: DO US A FAVOR AND NEXT TIME MAN THE FUCK UP.  DON’T CALL THE POLICE; HANDLE YOUR SHIT LIKE A MAN. YOU DESERVE EVERY BULLSHIT THAT’S HAPPENED TO YOU AND I HOPE THE NEXT WOMAN YOU EVER LOVE NEVER RETURNS IT. YOU FUCKING DICK.

 Now on to more serious matters “If your 10-12 year old self could see you now, would they be happy with how you turned out?  Would they be disappointed in some of your choices?  Why?”

 When I was 10-12 years old I was in the Philippines, So I don’t think I’d be happy with myself since I still don’t know how to ride a bike. =( I learned how to swim, but that was because my cousin pushed me in the deep end and I would have been probably disappointed because I didn’t get a sailor moon tattoo. HAHHAA I’m partially kidding. Little Jowee would have been very happy where she is right now because she managed to obey her parent’s wishes, didn’t get pregnant, graduated in four years, has a full time job, living independently ALL at the same time trying to live life as carefree as possible. Little Jowee would be astonished that I drink this much and I still haven’t died. Little Jowee would be surprised that I still haven’t found love in a cold winter day. Little Jowee would be amazed why she isn’t as sexual as the other SA Divas HAHAHA.

 On the way to SLO I had a serious conversation with Michaele about #8 (Being alone doesn't mean your miserable) on my list. It’s taken me quite some time to accept it, But to tell you the truth I’ve never been happier. I believe the one thing that a person has to do in their life is to have time for themselves to figure out what they want with no other influences restraining you from thinking straight.  “I haven’t gone this far and accomplished many things just so I can get the assurance from someone else that my life is worth it.” Once you realize that you can be complete 100% without anyone else, then everything else great that comes across in your life is like icing to the cake.

 Until next time…

xx.

MzJOWEE

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”

 timeless.

uncertainty.

love in its purest form.

when will you see the colors?

just let go.

remember your roots.