April 1st, 2009
GROWING PAINS.
“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”
In regards to the blog that was previously done, out of hatred and demise I began to realize that it's wrong to shut out other's in expense for another person's actions. It was never my intention to come off as someone that doesn't care much for the world anymore, but i wanted to portray that I wasn't someone that can be taken advantage of and in order to do that, I'd have to change my lifestyle. Call it growing pains or growing up, but in order to see a change in life, it starts with you. I realized too that the only person that knows you well enough to know what's good and bad for you is yourself. I've had a relationship with myself for 23 years, and i'm not going to stop listening to myself just because others have a problem with it. ( did i say you and myself too much? okay, good.)
Looking back at it there were many things that I lost and gained ( and will continue to do so) in my road to "growing up." I don't know if I've become wiser, maybe just a little bit more experienced. There were certain things also that I forgot to embrace and replenish. I remember back in the day in college, I paid attention to myself more ( i.e: dress up for school, do my hair, pick out my clothes stylishly and carefully) so much so that I was voted best dressed in barkada 3x in a row 
I know it may not be a big deal to some but I truly believe that if you let go of yourself, you let go of everything else. Check this, back then I used to NEVER wear the same thing twice at all - so no one EVER expected to see the same thing from me anytime. NOW, I find myself reverting back to the same clothes, same outfits, same style. and NOW since work has taken most of my days, I wake up at 8:15, wash my face, put whatever clothes on that's lying there and straight to work so i can be there by 8:30. Really? 15 minutes to drive and get ready? Man, i've gone downhill.
3peat - sigh.
I forgot how it was like to be happy when I didn't have so much money. ( not that I have a lot of money now, but you get the picture) I look back at it and I'm still wondering what kept me sane, and what kept me happy. Maybe it's family? Maybe it's reading? Maybe it's just hanging out at starbucks on a random weekday drinking coffee and having long conversations? If you ever feel like reading and rehashing your childhood, and you want to remember what it's like to live.... then read this book:
Into philosophy? from Pre-socratic greeks to Socrates himself - this is the book for you.
WHAT'S FUN? THIS IS FUN:
being with friends. self timer on camera. writings on the face. hitler with a heart. dom star. perry i don't know what the fuck is that. good times.
I'm going to start rehashing and redefining the way I live. No longer will 9-5 hold me down ( as it is slowly achieving it's goal) I'm going to be more fashion forward. thrift store saavy. Book reader. Poetry reader/listener. coffee conversation intellect. california cities traveller ( and when i save up, world traveller). take more pictures you'll get tired of seeing my face. blogging more. less on the smoking. rekindling old friends. letting go of the unimportant ones. no more of the alcohol. BTW, on one of my bullet points in the previous blog about me not forcing me to drink, it still holds true that I WILL become a rageful bitch if you do force me. OHHH!!! and this....
hello my love, you will be mine in approximately 2 weeks.
until next time...
xx.
